Monday, July 2, 2018

Welcome to my (same-name-new-concept) blog!

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog!

I’m not new to this blog thing and I’m not new to a low carb, ketogenic diet. But… I’m new to being an open blogger with no storyline or script. I haven’t a clue as to how to even begin this introduction to who I am, so I’m gonna do it the truest and easiest way possible. Hi, I’m Kayla! I’m 22 and I have been married to the most loving, God-fearing, and amazing man for over a year. If I can make just one person smile everyday then I have done what I am here to do, a laugh is better but a smile makes my day worth it! Anyways, I’ll start from the beginning to get to where I am now (Y’all go on ahead and grab yourself something to drink and a little snack… this is gonna be long).

 Three years ago I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who I had truly fallen for (said the whole I love you’s and everything) and wanted to marry… But he and I had MANY differences. I couldn’t blame him for cheating on me, because I just wasn’t the right one for him- it hurt at the time but it was ALL in God’s hands. Ill fast forward to his future because I really think it’s a story worth sharing, He didn’t want to get married but he did want to have kids, and that’s while he was dating me… once we broke up everything changed… He actually ended up marrying the girl he cheated on me with and he gained a beautiful baby boy (that he was certain he WOULD have) and I could not be happier for them! Remember that bit about once we broke up, everything changed. Back to that. I changed too… I was determined to make him wish he didn’t cheat, I was going to make him wish he still had me (I was VERY into Taylor Swift’s breakup music at this point in my life), and most of all I was going to move on with my life. So I started a low carb, ketogenic diet and literally went to the gym ALL. THE. TIME. It was the healthiest I had been in YEARS.

So I was down from 245 (I’m sure this was the lowest possible weight… but I feel like I could have been more honestly) to 215 (in 2 months) and I FELT the difference everywhere. During this particular time I went to my gynecologist who just gave me the news that I had PCOS. Okay, what did that mean? All in all from what I understood then was that losing weight would be hard, keeping it off would be harder, gaining weight would be easy-peazy-lemon-squeezy, getting pregnant would be difficult, and the risk of miscarriage was greater. The worst part? I needed to lose even more weight to even have a chance of eventually getting pregnant. Great. I mean this kinda stuff doesn’t happen to people like me. Especially not at 19.

So I lost more weight and by my 3 month of dieting mark, I FINALLY was in hundred-land. I was 199 lbs. YES! I felt incredible. I felt amazing. I felt powerful. I felt like I could do anything my heart desired. I bought a bikini, something I hadn’t worn since I was an eleven year old child, if even then. I felt wonderful in that bikini. Anyways, I met a guy (now husband) and started going out to eat quite frequently and guess what- I gained EVERY. SINGLE. POUND. BACK. Eating out has always a terrible idea for me… the restaurants add in stuff with carbs and when you think its low carb- it really isn’t, I mean I can give you a whole list. Eating out is just plain out awful for me and dating involved a whole lot of it. So there I was at 245… and there I have stayed. Trying several times to get back on it with no success and trying other diets to help motivated me to get back and I just didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t but should’ve. Now don’t get me wrong, this is my own doings and I honestly have no one to blame but myself.

Moving right along, I got married May 6, 2017 to that very same guy and that has been great. I got pregnant in July (and believe me… it wasn’t difficult by any means) and found out in August! We were SO excited to be parents! We went all out and everything, telling my parents and then his and then of course putting it on social media so it was official. I did everything right, ate only organic (except cool ranch Doritos), didn’t take medicine for anything other than high blood pressure (I’ll get to that in a second), and I didn’t expose myself to anything harmful. Our first ultrasound (at 6 weeks) showed a sac but we were informed that there was a possibility that nothing would form. Our second ultrasound (at 8 weeks) showed a baby and a strong heartbeat at 156! Our third ultrasound was done in the emergency room… and we got the news that our baby had no heartbeat. I was broken. Justin was broken. Thankfully our parents were there and helped us so much. A part of me wanted to make sure that those doctors knew what they were doing so I just went on to my OBGYN and got seen and sure enough our sweet little baby had met Jesus. I lost Baby Mahan’s heartbeat at 10 weeks and 3 days and passed at 10 weeks and 5 days. Thankfully, Baby Mahan let me pass him/her naturally just like the rest of the pregnancy had been. I knew I was high risk, but I didn’t know what that truly meant until that day. I went into a horrible depression and it’s faded away since September but the holidays were so hard. April has been the toughest month so far, as that would have been Baby Mahan’s due month (April 21). I’ve fallen into a deep depression several times since late March but… God’s got this. When you can’t stand, kneel and that’s what I do.
Now we are pretty much up to date. Currently we have been trying for 8 months to conceive again and have had zero luck, which is stressful. And DON’T come at me with “When you stop trying to conceive, you will”, because honestly… you don’t really stop trying, you just DO. This month has really made me question my diet, currently I am 8 weeks past my period but can’t get a positive pregnancy test… not that I think I’m pregnant but hopeful that I am. Any woman who has gone through a miscarriage has the same thoughts, trust me.

Oh and have I mentioned that I also have an eating disorder? That one has been the toughest to come out and admit. I guess I’ve known for a while that I have had one but to have it confirmed and now openly admitting it puts it at a more realistic level. That’s all I’ll say on that. But to add to my health issues, I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and anxiety.

So earlier this year I decided to try the Keto Egg Fast and while I hated it… it motivated me. I continued doing Keto until late February and then came off yet again because… yup, you guessed it… going out all the time. It got convenient and I gave in. I lost several pounds and gained all of it back. So maybe, the keto diet isn’t for me anymore. I’ve tried and tried and with absolutely nothing to show.

And there you have it.

Here’s the beginning 
(insert High School Musical's Start of Something New)

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